March 20, 2022
I just found out that the comfy and stylish new tank top Staff got for me was—brace yourself—made for English bulldogs!!! I've been BETRAYED. Yeah, yeah, bulldogs and AmStaffs both have blocky chests, but it SPECIFICALLY states in my contract that my clothing should be obtained only from the finest pit bull fashion houses. Do better, Staff! Now hand over your credit card and the Tooth & Honey catalog so I can recover from this sartorial betrayal.
— Bixby
 |
| "Wait, my tank top was made for... |
 |
| ...BULLDOGS?!?!? |
 |
| "That is NOT a pit bull on their logo! Get with it, Staff!" |
— Bixby the Rubbery Pibble
— Bixby
April 4, 2022
— Bixby
April 5, 2022
Bixbys are generally very brave boys and are only scared of one thing in the whole wide world: the wind! It makes a scary sound, okay? And sometimes things fall on the roof! The wind gets ALL the demerits for blowing and blowing Sunday night and all day Monday, worry this poor Bixby. Merits to Senior Staff for letting me cuddle on the couch (normally taboo!) with her at 3 a.m. when I was really scared and for Staff letting me sit in her lap in the afternoon when I was especially worried. Demerits for Staff for not turning off the wind. Staffs CAN turn off the wind, right?
— Bixby the Normally Very Brave Pit Bull
 |
| "Hi. I'm scared. I need to sit in your lap." |
 |
| "Thank you for the lap. But now could you turn the wind off?" |
 |
| Taking a selfie with a heavy DSLR camera with a large dog in your lap isn't easy! |
April 7, 2022
Can you believe that Bixby got close enough to a fly to sniff it but he DIDN'T EAT IT?!?!?!?!
— Nala and Abbey*
*RIP, not actually a pit bull despite what the shelter said, definitely a fly huntress extraordinaire
Why would I want to eat something with a hairy exoskeleton and buzzy wings and a bunch of leggies?!?! Bixbys only eat the finest comestibles!
— Bixby
Alas! How I must suffer! Ten minutes soaped up with medicated shampoo while standing ankle-deep in medicated water. Why do *I* have to be punished if it's these things called "allergies" that are the ones causing all the problems? I'm going to have to do some zoomies and then have a hard nap to recover from this farce!
— Bixby
Don't let that pathetic face in the first photo fool you, he's busy munching on a street! — Staff
 |
| So sad! (Actually eating a treat.) |
 |
| So sad! (Actually waiting for the next treat.) |
— Bixby
April 13, 2022
Just how many times do I have to introduce myself to Staff? We've met!! I live here!!!
— Bixby
April 15, 2022
Today I am giving out all the merits! Staff and Mr. Senior Staff took me to training class again at last! Yay! The trainer said, "Hello, handsome!" when she saw me and I always love it when she says, "Hello, handsome!" Yay! I got so many pieces of dehydrated lamb lung! Yay! I was the best in the class at weaving through an obstacle course off leash! Yay! Nala didn't get to come! Yay! Staff does get a couple demerits for not doing classes for more than two years. She and the trainer also get a few demerits for not letting me say hi to all the people and I ADORE people and people adore me because I am a Bixby and that's just how it works. But most of all, Staff gets demerits for saying things like, "He's probably going to be a wild child at first. He's probably going to go crazy in the parking lot. Hopefully, he'll be able to settle down, but it's been so long..." She ought to have more faith in her Bixby! I snapped right back into training mode and was focused and chill because in addition to being a Bixby, I am a Very Good Boy. So ha! All the merits to me!
— Bixby the Humblebragger
 |
| Ready to train! |
 |
| "Yep, that's me, a Very Good Boy weaving in and around cones!" |
 |
| Off leash and by your side! |
 |
| "Getting the treats I deserve while everyone applauds—that's just how life should be!" |
— Bixby the Winged-Lipped Pibble
April 21, 2022
Why do I have to do a "leave it" for that yummy piece of scrambled egg? Surely Bixbys should be freely given ALL the scrambled eggs while STAFF does a "leave it" because all the scrambled eggs are for me! You're racking up 50 demerits for every second that you make me wait!
— Bixby
 |
| "Please let me 'eat it' not 'leave it.'" |
 |
| "Why must I wait for that yummy bit of scrambled egg?!" |
We didn't put any particular emphasis on teaching Bixby "leave it," but he takes it very very seriously. Senior Staff has put him on a "leave it," left the room, forgotten about him, and come back ten minutes later to find him still holding the "leave it"! Fear not, he did not have to wait ten minutes this time before he got his scrambled egg—this "leave it" was probably only worth 3,000 demerits. — Staff
April 21, 2022
 |
| Elegant long Bixby toes with elegant long nails with elegant long quicks. |
Staff stole our nails! Like many of our kind, I have long, knobby dinosaur toes and nails with long quicks so I grow lovely long dinosaur talons. For some reason, Staff does not like it when my dinosaur talons get especially beautiful and steals them! Not only do I have to submit to having them cut, she then FILES them with an emery board, something about "dinosaur talons with razor sharp edges" being a problem. Pfft. They are only a problem if you are needlessly fussy about having Bixby scratches on your legs.
— Bixby
 |
| "I grew some REALLY nice talons on my back paws! I think ought to be able to keep them!" |
Staff did Bixby's nails after she did mine and I didn't like it because her hands were touching Bixby. I tried to insert myself into the process as best I could so everyone remembered that I am the queen and should get attention at all times. Also, she didn't want me to eat the cut-off nail ends, something about them being "not food." I think I can decide for myself whether something is food or not, Staff!
— Nala
 |
| "I'm so jealous you're touching him instead of me that I'm going to hover with my head right over your hand while you cut Bixby's nails." |
I must confess that I cut Bixby's nails because the particular flooring they have at the facility where Bixby's training class is held really amplifies nail noises and he clicked and clacked like he was wearing tap shoes last week. The length of his quicks means that I can't trim his nails short enough to be silent, but hopefully the clattering won't be quite as bad this week... — Staff
April 22, 2022
— Sexy Beast Bixby "Apollo" Bond
Bixby didn't do ALL the math—I captured this photo during a 10th of a second when he wasn't looking quite as handsome! — Staff
April 23, 2022
— Bixby the Butt-Kisser
April 25, 2022
Finally! After embarrassing the heck out of me by buying me not one but TWO shirts for bulldogs with bulldog logos on them from a bulldog store, Staff got me a proper pit bull shirt from a pit bull store with SPACE PITTIES on it! Thanks, Staff! Have a few merits. Not too many merits, since this should have been done in the first place, but Staff can have some merits...in the form of being able to gaze upon my handsomeness in my sexy space pitties vest from Tooth & Honey. That ought to be reward enough.
— Bixby
 |
| "I'm so stylish!" |
 |
| "Nala's so jealous." |
 |
| "Did you get my good side?" |
 |
| "Help! I can't see around my wearable pillow and my big head is too heavy to lift!" |
Friends, I found myself in a terrible fix. I was all snuggled into my bed when someone walked behind me and because of this imprisoning pillow, no matter how hard I side-eyed and made face wrinkles, I COULDN'T SEE WHO IT WAS. This pillow ought to come with a review mirror or something for when a fellow is all snuggled in and doesn't want to move yet wants to know who is moving around in the house! Oh, how I must suffer! Staff says my chapped hinder-binder is "better" but "not there yet." IT WENT AWAY? I need this pillow prison off so I can use my tongue to verify the existence of my butt!
— Bixby the Possibly Bottomless and Definitely Nosy but Too Comfy to Move
 |
| "Woe is me!" |
That face squish! Don't let the second photo fool you, he's all tucked in, cozy as can be, and drowsing off. Also, he pushes his head right into the pillow cone when it's time to put it back on, so he's not suffering too much... And I can verify the continued existence of his healing over-licked anus—it was periodically exhaling the effects of a combination of cheese, turkey jerky, and training treats after his training class last night... — Staff
May 4, 2022
— Bixby
The Tiny Poodle is 5.5 pounds and, frankly, unnervingly small and fragile. I'd rather sleep with my 70 lb. heat-radiating concrete slab of a Bixby any day over a little cloud with fragile stick-like limbs. True, she can sleep on my legs and float on the surface of the blankets as I roll beneath them, but I'm scared I'll crush her any time she snuggles under the covers! — Staff
May 8, 2022
 |
| Blergh. |
— Bixby the A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words and Each One of Those Words is "Demerit" Pibble
May 11, 2022
I was all excited because a box from Chewy arrived! "Oh, look," said Staff, "it's for you!" And then get this, this is where it gets ugly: She continued, "Your vitamins are here!!!" No treats. No toys. VITAMINS. Pfft to that!
— Bixby the Well-Supplemented
 |
| "What's this?!" |
 |
| "What?! Vitamins?! Forget that, lady!" |
May 15, 2022
— Bixby the Beautiful with the Blushing Behind
May 19, 2022
These photos are PROOF of how much I'm suffering wearing this pillow all the time. It's a travesty, I tell you! But I showed Staff, she left me alone for two minutes without my neck rest and I did a flurry of licking and made my butt bleed on her sheets! Ha! Demerits for Staff, for everything. Demerits for my butt, which is sore today for some reason. I probably have other demerits, but I'm getting awfully sleepy...
These photos are PROOF of how much I'm suffering wearing this pillow all the time. It's a travesty, I tell you! But I showed Staff, she left me alone for two minutes without my neck rest and I did a flurry of licking and made my butt bleed on her sheets! Ha! Demerits for Staff, for everything. Demerits for my butt, which is sore today for some reason. I probably have other demerits, but I'm getting awfully sleepy...
— Bixby
 |
| "Oh...zzz...how I...zzz...suffer...." |
 |
| "Zzz...so uncom—zzz—fortable...zzz..." |
So many merits! First of all, merits for Thursday. Household staff was all like, "How does he know it's Thursday?" Um, how could I NOT know it's Thursday? Thursday is class day! Yay! Merits for class! There's a car ride! Merits for car rides! It was "graduation day," which meant we had to do the skills learned in all the previous classes. I've just been going with Mr. Senior Staff because weather makes Staff sick and we've had a lot of weather. It's okay, merits for a boys' night out! I wore my fancy space pitties shirt and people loved my shirt! Merits for the shirt and for people loving me! I was a little confused in class, though, because Staff is my primary staff member and Mr. Senior Staff is kinda #3 on the list and yet even though Staff was there, Mr. Senior Staff did all the work. But I am VERY SERIOUS about training and did well on my exam even though we hadn't practiced at home. My two best skills (merits for me!) are two of the hardest for the other dogs: Lining up with the other dogs and holding a "stay" until my name, and my name alone, was called. That's so easy! Merits for an easy task! My other best skill, the one that REALLY impresses people, is when I have to respond to "sit" and "down" commands even though my staff member is across the room and facing away from me. Merits to me for being an impressive smarty pants! So I passed "Above and Beyond" (merits for me!) AGAIN (I've done this class several times for fun and we don't do the same skills every time) and Staff has promised that I get to do agility next, at least when the weather gets better. Demerits to the weather, for keeping Staff in bed and unable to sign me up for agility. But so many merits, because I am smart and handsome and I got to show it all off!
— Braggart Bixby the Bestest Boy
 |
| "Yay! Car ride!" |
 |
| Cruising to class. |
 |
| "Hi. I am focused on you." |
 |
| Ready and waiting! |
 |
| "I can hold this stay all day! It doesn't matter what those other people and dogs are doing. But just say the word, Mr. Senior Staff, and I'll come!" |
 |
| "It's my turn! Here I come!" |
 |
| "Yup, another diploma to add to my records!" |
The weather has been giving me migraine after migraine and the worst migraines kept happening on class nights! Bixby would have done even better on his tasks if I'd been his handler because we have a closer relationship and a much larger shared vocabulary, most notably in the realm of non-verbal signals ranging from tongue clicks to hand signs, but it's great for Bixby to practice his skills with folks other than me. His level of focus is so impressive! We did this advanced class again in order to a) give Bixby something to be proud of and look forward to after getting pretty depressed while I went through some very serious health stuff that triggered him to have serious health stuff and b) brush up on his skills, especially for when given commands while off-leash and some distance from his handler, so we can finally do agility! Both of those objectives were fully met. Now I just need the weather to cooperate... — Staff
May 22, 2022
Ha! That zebra was no match for me! I tore off its leg, ripped open the skin, and flung zebra bits everywhere! Demerits to Staff for not letting me eat the zebra skin. I wanted to swallow it whole, but she opened my mouth and stole it from me! A mighty hunter such as myself deserves to consume his prey as he wishes!
— Savannah Boss Bixby
 |
| Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip! |
 |
| Carnage galore! |
May 23, 2022
923,859,603,836,575 demerits to the Frenchie next door! I was standing on my deck, sniffing the wind, minding my own business, when she came busting out of her dog-door cursing and yelling THE rudest things about my mama and my manliness and my intelligence. It made my hair stand straight up! I can't let such horrible smears on my character (and made at such a high pitch! and loud volume!) go unanswered, so I had to give her a big BOOF in return and then Staff made me go inside. The Frenchie Next Door is the WORST!
Time for our annual summer "train Bixby to ignore the Frenchie Next Door" lessons to begin. Sigh... That Frenchie is such a pain. — Staff
May 27, 2022
10 merits to Staff for not narcing on me to Senior Staff when I snuck into the Forbidden Zone when the barrier was open in order to do some very serious sunning in THE most perfect pibble sunning spot in the entire house. 20,480,387 demerits for Senior Staff dubbing this area the Forbidden Zone because some nonsense about Bixbys not being allowed on the fancy white couches. Every couch should have a Bixby for a captain—ESPECIALLY the white ones! I am sometimes allowed to do some supervised sunning in the Forbidden Zone, but I snuck in while Senior Staff was distracted this time! Ha! 100,000 merits to me! (Staff told me that because she didn't know I was in the FZ, Senior Staff closed the barrier when she left. I was technically trapped out there except I was so sound asleep that I didn't wake up until Staff came around to photograph me about an hour later and opened the portal so I could go back to the Permitted Zone when I was done sunning.)
— Bixby of the Big Boof
Time for our annual summer "train Bixby to ignore the Frenchie Next Door" lessons to begin. Sigh... That Frenchie is such a pain. — Staff
May 27, 2022
10 merits to Staff for not narcing on me to Senior Staff when I snuck into the Forbidden Zone when the barrier was open in order to do some very serious sunning in THE most perfect pibble sunning spot in the entire house. 20,480,387 demerits for Senior Staff dubbing this area the Forbidden Zone because some nonsense about Bixbys not being allowed on the fancy white couches. Every couch should have a Bixby for a captain—ESPECIALLY the white ones! I am sometimes allowed to do some supervised sunning in the Forbidden Zone, but I snuck in while Senior Staff was distracted this time! Ha! 100,000 merits to me! (Staff told me that because she didn't know I was in the FZ, Senior Staff closed the barrier when she left. I was technically trapped out there except I was so sound asleep that I didn't wake up until Staff came around to photograph me about an hour later and opened the portal so I could go back to the Permitted Zone when I was done sunning.)
— Sneaky Bixby, Le Roi Soleil
 |
| I spy... |
 |
| The space between the couch and the windows gets so warm! |
 |
| There's good sun all over the Forbidden Zone in the summer. |
 |
| Can't keep my eyes open..... |
Help! I've melted!
— Caramel Sundae Sauce Bixby
May 29, 2022
Go away, Staff. I'm busy being a precious sleeping angel puppy-baby with a sapphire halo over here and it's a private fantasy that doesn't involve you.
— Beatific Bixby
June 2, 2022
I don't know why my Staff is making such a big deal about the fact that I'm sunning on her bed in the afternoon. I mean, yeah, I didn't sun on her bed for two whole years because Nala told me I wasn't allowed on the bed during the daytime, but I'm sleeping with Staff at night again after two years of not doing that and it's only natural that I would feel like I had a right to be on the bed during the daytime. Bixbys are very logical and good at extrapolating. Bixbys also like to sun without cameras intruding, so step back, Staff and let me....OMD!! Was that the Frenchie Next Door!?!
I don't know why my Staff is making such a big deal about the fact that I'm sunning on her bed in the afternoon. I mean, yeah, I didn't sun on her bed for two whole years because Nala told me I wasn't allowed on the bed during the daytime, but I'm sleeping with Staff at night again after two years of not doing that and it's only natural that I would feel like I had a right to be on the bed during the daytime. Bixbys are very logical and good at extrapolating. Bixbys also like to sun without cameras intruding, so step back, Staff and let me....OMD!! Was that the Frenchie Next Door!?!
— Bixby the Nonchalant Unless The FND Is Involved
 |
| "What's the big deal?" |
 |
| "Sure, it's been two years, but I'm here NOW and I have sunning to do and you're distracting me." |
 |
| Smoldering Bixby eye. |
 |
| "OMD!!! Was that the Frenchie Next Door?!?!?!" |
It was indeed the FND, but not something that Bixby decided he needed to do anything about. I'm thrilled that insisting that he sleep with me at night has meant that he's using the bed in the daytime again, too! Take that, Nala! She really was a jerk about it and I was too sick to stop her, so I felt so sorry for poor exiled Bixby. But he's back! And his eyes are so beautiful in the sunshine. — Staff
What do you mean, "Where am I supposed to go?" I have very clearly left you a space. You're supposed to squeeze up tight against my shoulder. I didn't want to miss out on sharing my pillows with you tonight, so I made sure to get in place before you got in bed. Remember, there shouldn't be so much as an atom of empty space between us!
I had wrestle a pillow away from his clutches to put my head on! How is it that sleeping dogs can get so heavy? During the night, he actually found a position where he could lay across me that didn't bother me—closer to the pelvis than the rib cage for once, and with no bony elbows in tender places!—and we both fell asleep that way. It was his idea of heaven and pretty nice from my perspective, too. — Staff
June 8, 2022
1,000,000,000 demerits to Senior Staff for moving my dog bed out of her bedroom. I was so sure it meant that she did not love me anymore. I may be sleeping in Staff's room full-time now, but I knew I always had a place with Senior Staff...until she moved the bed. So I got very sad and scared, so sad and scared that it upset my tummy, and I also had to be very clingy. I was hoping that Senior Staff would make a special exception and let me up on the couch because I was feeling so worried, but she wouldn't, which was further proof that she didn't love me anymore. Staff, at least, felt sorry for me, and Senior Staff moved my bed back into her bedroom and has been telling me she really does love me and then I was allowed access to the Forbidden Zone for sunning to help cheer me up, but it's been a rough day, folks.
— Bixby, Snuggler in Chief
I had wrestle a pillow away from his clutches to put my head on! How is it that sleeping dogs can get so heavy? During the night, he actually found a position where he could lay across me that didn't bother me—closer to the pelvis than the rib cage for once, and with no bony elbows in tender places!—and we both fell asleep that way. It was his idea of heaven and pretty nice from my perspective, too. — Staff
June 8, 2022
1,000,000,000 demerits to Senior Staff for moving my dog bed out of her bedroom. I was so sure it meant that she did not love me anymore. I may be sleeping in Staff's room full-time now, but I knew I always had a place with Senior Staff...until she moved the bed. So I got very sad and scared, so sad and scared that it upset my tummy, and I also had to be very clingy. I was hoping that Senior Staff would make a special exception and let me up on the couch because I was feeling so worried, but she wouldn't, which was further proof that she didn't love me anymore. Staff, at least, felt sorry for me, and Senior Staff moved my bed back into her bedroom and has been telling me she really does love me and then I was allowed access to the Forbidden Zone for sunning to help cheer me up, but it's been a rough day, folks.
— Bixby the Tenderhearted
 |
"Since you maybe don't love me, you might not mean it when you said I could be out here." *stress yawns* |
 |
| "If you REALLY love me, you'll take off my pillow." |
 |
| "Nala was a jerk and booted me out of the first spot, but fortunately there are multiple good sunning spots in the Forbidden Zone this time of year. Both Staff and Senior Staff came out to sit with me." |
 |
| "Ahh... This place is my very favorite in the late afternoon. The sun-warmed wall feels so nice against my back." |
 |
| "I can finally relax a bit. But I'm going to need some good cuddles tonight for further proof that I am still wanted in this family!" |
It's a guess that moving his bed was what upset Bixby so much today, but it's a very educated guess, knowing what we do about his sensitive heart. If he thinks he's being rejected, it wounds him so deeply. Poor guy! — Staff
June 9, 2022
— Bixby the Sensitive Soul
June 11, 2022
— Martyrs Nala and Bixby
This is especially wrong since the People Puppy is a little boy and I am ALSO a little boy and seems to me that ALL little boys ought to be sat at the table with sheets of nori or, if not that, at least I should get to be under the table while the PP plays with me with his feet, but nooooo, it's "Bixby, get out from under the table, [PP] needs to focus on eating his lunch." 🙄 If I was at the table, I wouldn't be under the table, did you ever think of that???
— Little Boy Bixby
June 12, 2022
Staff called me a "golden buffoon." THIS IS SLANDER!! 6.02214076 x 10^23 DEMERITS! I'm not a buffoon, I'm a Gentleman and a Scholar in addition to being a very handsome Good Boy. In other words, a Bixby. I AM golden, so I will issue 3.14159265859 merits for at least getting something right.
— The Name's Bond. Bixby Bond.
He's not even a golden buffoon, he's a tan one.
— Queen Nala the Unimpressed
June 15, 2022
Many demerits for Staff for cracking up every single time she looks at me. I got my board shorts and my muscle tank on, I'm ready to hit the beach. Or maybe the basketball court to shoot some hoops. I look super stylish (Bixbys are, of course, very stylish by nature) and I can't fathom what's amusing about that. Perhaps jealousy? Does jealousy give humans the giggles?
— Bixby, Athleisure Animal Extraordinaire
 |
| "Who's a handsome boy? I am!" |
 |
| "Who's the best-dressed boy? I am!" |
June 19, 2022
No demerits here, just wanting to show off my breakdancing. I think I look pretty fly. Well, demerits to Staff for not hooking me up with my own breaking crew. Are any of you pibbles breakdancers? 'Cause if you are, watch out, humans, the battle is on! Pit bulls will naturally dominate the World BBoy Series because we are the bestest boys and girls in every way.
— B-Boy Bixby
June 23, 2022
— Coach Bix
June 27, 2022
Merits to Staff for turning up the heat! Demerits for also turning up the gravity.
— Boneless Bixby
July 1, 2022
Staff said, "It's not that Bixby's shallow, it's just that the water is extremely clear." I'm pretty that's a backpawed compliment. Forepaw compliments only, Staff!!
And the thing is, I think I DO get pretty deep. Like, here I am pondering what it means to be a good boy. If you're not living up to all seven definitions* of the adjective "good," can you truly say that you are a good boy? Humans often ask the question, "Who's a good boy?" but it seems like they already have an answer in mind, so should a dog even bother to quantify his own goodness? Can humans be trusted to make this judgment, since they always answer the question "Who's a good boy?" with "You're a good boy!" regardless of whether you are, in fact, by your estimation, maybe not being the goodest boy at the moment? Should a Gentleman and Scholar such as myself aspire to a higher ideal of goodness than the humans do? Also, what's the difference between a "good boy" and a "good boi"?
 |
| "What does it mean to be a 'good boy'?" |
 |
"And what's the difference between a 'good boy' and a 'good boi'?" |
*The seven definitions of "good": 1) To be desired or approved of, 2) having the qualities required for a particular role, 3) possessing or displaying moral virtue, 4) giving pleasure; enjoyable or satisfying, 5) thorough, 6) valid, 7) used in conjunction with an exclamation to express extreme surprise or anger
July 3, 2022
— Bucking Bronco Bixby
Suuuuuper bad timing by the Havanese Next Door! — Staff
July 6, 2022
 |
| Bixby: "Check out my booty in these shorts!" Nala: "No." |
How on earth is a dignified mature lady supposed to enjoy the simple pleasures of life while living with a Bixby? I find a nice spot of sun by the wall and what does he do? Stand over me and shake himself so I'm stuck inhaling Bixby dander in his shadow! I find another nice sunning spot by the front windows and there he is again, parking that blue-clad butt RIGHT IN MY FACE. He is so deluded that he thinks he's a fashion model. Well, I've got news for you, you idiot, you're wearing a pair of underpants backwards because you're so dumb that you'll lick your butt until it bleeds.
— Queen "Bixby Should Only Exist on My Terms" Nala
 |
| Bixby: "Hey, look, here's my booty!" |
 |
| Nala: "NO." |
— Bixby the "I'm Too Sexy" Pibble
July 11, 2022
— Antipodean Bixby Who Looks Smashing In An Off-The-Shoulder Look
July 13, 2022
OMD OMD OMD OMD!!!!! Merits everywhere!! Merits flying like confetti!! Senior Staff LET ME LICK THE MIXING BOWL after she was done making my food for the week! I'm always very helpful when she prepares my special Bixby food, keeping close watch to make sure she uses the recipe formulated just for Bixbys and tidying up after any spills and taste-testing the scrambled eggs, but this was the first time (demerits for that!) that she let me clean the mixing bowl. For a staff member who is normally prejudiced about making use of the Pibble Pre-Rinse Cycle, this is a stunning concession. Yum yum yum yum yum! The bowl tried to run away from my vigorous Bixby tongue, but I put my paw down and quashed that nonsense. Huzzah!!
— Bixby the Gleeful Dishwashing Pibble
 |
| "So delicious!" |
 |
| "Don't even think about running away, bowl!" |
 |
| "Nala's not the only licker in this family!" |
 |
| *sniffsniffsniffsniffsniff* |
Staff was all like, "Oh no, Bixby, you sniffed the breeze so hard your ears came off!" Which is absolutely ridiculous. Yes, I was having a wonderful time sniffing the breeze outside in the sun, but no, Bixbys do not lose their ears from sniffing! I'd merely put them in storage behind my ginormous Bixby noggin to protect them from the heat coming off of my smoldering sun-lit eyes. It had nothing to do with sniffing at all! I'm not issuing any demerits this time because Staff can't help being so clueless (she's not a Bixby, after all) and Bixbys are generous and tolerant in addition to enjoying wind-sniffing and being very handsome.
— Bixby "Magma Eye" Bond
 |
| Sniffing with smoldering eyes in focus. |
 |
| Smoldering eye detail. |
 |
| "See, my ears are still there, just stored behind my giant Bixby head to keep them safe from all that sun-blazed sexiness!" |
July 25, 2022
— The Disgruntled Mr. Bixby
I admit, it's shameful to have gone so long without taking any dog photos. I solemnly swear that I will change the lens (good for weird bugs and wet rocks) on my camera to a more Bixby-friendly one. — Staff
July 27, 2022
While Staff may have apologized for not properly documenting my Bixbyness for several days due to having a non-Bixby lens on her camera, I'm still a bit stung by her accusation that I was only doing boring things like snoozing in my crate and therefore no one missed much. So rude! 😱 So let's take a vote: Am I right, that photos of me snoozing in my crate or staying cool by laying on the hardwood floor are exciting Bixby content OR is Staff right, that these are boring pictures of a dog doing nothing. Hint: She's wrong! Whatever a Bixby does is adorable and worthy of note AND I'm not doing nothing, I am busy being a Bixby. Being a Bixby is EVERYTHING.
— Sir Bix-a-Lot
 |
| "I love my crate and I look damn sexy in it!" |
 |
| "Look at me, being so smart (though that goes without saying, I'm a Bixby) and keeping cool on the hardwood floor by the door to the garage!" |
July 30, 2022
— Bixby "Werk It" Bond
August 4, 2022
It is NOT MY FAULT that Bixbys have allergies and it is NOT MY FAULT that Bixbys are allergic to oats and it is NOT MY FAULT that Mr. Senior Staff forgot this and was giving me Cheerios and it is NOT MY FAULT that Bixbys leak greenish goop from their wieners when their allergies flare up and it is NOT MY FAULT that practicing good hygiene made my skin chapped and it is NOT MY FAULT that the only tool Bixbys have for soothing chapped skin is to lick it and it is NOT MY FAULT that licking it more made it need more licking and it is NOT MY FAULT that ointment is yummy so it is NOT MY FAULT that I have to wear trousers to make sure the yummy ointment stays on my belly and it is NOT MY FAULT that we had a week-long spell of weather that was too hot for trouser-wearing so it is NOT MY FAULT that I got a red belly. Extra demerits for Staff saying things like, "Oh, Bixby, not again," as if Bixbys are idiots who just lick their bellies for fun (that's what butts are for, duh!) while also saying things like, "Is it just me or does Bixby have a bunch of new hives? Well, it's summer, grass pollen must be bad right now," before she figured out that I was BEING FED ALLERGENS. NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT.
— Canis lupus familaris bixcellentia var. rubrum venterii
August 7, 2022
Naturally, Bixbys elevate everything they do to an art form, but Two Beds is the medium in which Bixbys surpass all others. When Senior Staff photographed this particular masterwork and sent it to Staff, I thought it was just recognition of my unrivaled artistry. So I was wounded to my core when Staff said to Senior Staff, "That photo was hilarious!" and they both laughed. HILARIOUS?! SO MANY DEMERITS! ELEVENTY-BILLION! More like sublime, inspiring, and soul-stirring! How is a Bixby to flourish among such philistines? But I am undeterred: this heartbreaking disparagement shall serve as fuel for future works of artistic genius.
— Bixby, Le Artiste Exemplaire
STAFF FORGOT MY ADOPT-A-VERSARY!!!!! HOW COULD ANYONE FORGET THE DATE OF THE MOMENTOUS OCCASION OF BEING HIRED BY A BIXBY?!?!?! I signed on five years ago in order to teach Nala how to be a dog—can you believe that she didn't know how?! One of the first things I taught her was that dogs should help in the kitchen. I also persuaded her that it's NICE to hang out around people, not scary! And that doing tricks in exchange for treats is FUN, even if you don't know why people want you to do weird things! It only took me three weeks to get her doing "shake" and "down" and all the household humans were, like, "Bixby! You're amazing!" Which is true. Bixbys ARE amazing. For years, I worked as her mentor and bodyguard—Nala may be a Queen NOW, but she's only on the throne because I put her there. Seeing that the humans were unable to do for Nala what a Bixby managed to get rolling from Day One on the job, I think that August 8th should be A NATIONAL HOLIDAY. And I was still just a baby doggy when I did all this! It is not surprising, since Bixbys are extraordinary by nature and succeed at anything they attempt, but this excellence DESERVES TIMELY RECOGNITION, STAFF. My belated adopt-a-versary gift better be a good one!
— Bixby the Uncelebrated
 |
| "Hi. I am a Bixby. Bixbys are amazing! Now pet my giant head." |
 |
| "Look at me being a good boy in my new home! You can see how worried Nala was just to be sitting for a photo—she most definitely needed a Bixby to show her the ropes!" |
Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to the family that absolutely adored Bixby when he was a pup. I don't know what tragic change in circumstances led to Bixby being separated from the people who clearly loved him so much, but before they were parted they instilled in him the belief that being a Bixby is the best thing in the world. I am sure they miss him still. I wish they knew that he lives in WA now and is an amazing canine mentor and an obedience whiz and that he looks great in sweatshirts (and underpants) and that he is loved so very much. — Staff
August 15, 2022
 |
| "Whee! I'm a Bixby! Bixbys are made for agility!" |
STAFF IS FORGIVEN FOR FORGETTING MY ADOPT-A-VERSARY!!! My belated present has arrived and there are MERITS EVERYWHERE!! See, a couple weeks ago, Staff and I started doing this SUPER fun thing called "Agility" where Staff and I run around and get to do all kinds of awesome things like jumping and climbing and spelunking and I get tons of treats and it is SO. MUCH. FUN. Staff will only take me once a week, though, so I had to invent my own agility obstacles at home, like jumping my feeding stand. But for my adopt-a-versary, Staff got me REAL AGILITY EQUIPMENT. Now I have a tunnel and a hurdle and weave poles and a tire jump AT HOME. Huzzah!
— Boing Boing Bixby
I'm been waiting years for all the stars to properly align so I could get Bixby into agility and this summer it finally happened! I KNEW he'd make a great agility dog and so far he's done fantastic. We're having so much fun and having obstacles to work on at home will accelerate his progress even more. I've known for years that he was a gorgeous jumper—the epitome of canine grace and power—but now I've learned that he also has THE cutest jumping face! — Staff
 |
| "OMD!!" |
 |
| "This smells like FUN! Open it open it open it!" |
 |
| "Yes, definitely fun! But what do you mean, 'Bixby, you're not helping. Bixby, you need to go in your crate so we can put this together.' I was only wanting to pibble-nibble everything and play tug with the pieces and tackle Nala because I was so excited!" |
 |
| "Now I have my own tunnel... |
 |
| ...just like at Agility Class!" |
 |
| "And now I have... |
 |
| ...my own hurdle... |
 |
| ...just like at Agility Class! YAY!!!" |
August 25, 2022
(I, Bixby Apollo, would also like to pass on the broad hint that tons of those demerits could be cancelled out should my divine form be allowed to dash back and forth along the fence in my swift chariot while freely loosing the arrows of insults at my chthonic enemy, the Frenchie Next Door.)
Sooo, I guess we're gonna have bad powdery mildew this fall and lingering construction traffic. — Staff
August 31, 2022
I'm not sure why the OTHER little boy gets to wear blue trunks with orange sharks on them and play in the kiddie pool out on the deck and I do not. 4,000 demerits! I wouldn't actually WANT to play in the kiddie pool—Bixbys find it rather mystifying that there would be any appeal in frolicking in an oddly-oversized outdoor water bowl—but I would like to have the OPTION of playing in the kiddie pool. (And by "playing in the kiddie pool" I mean "being on the alert for the Frenchie Next Door," ha ha!) And I think we can ALL agree that Bixbys would look VERY fine in blue trunks with orange sharks on them. Staff needs to get some fine bathing attire (Bixbys are EXCELLENT sun-bathers, the trunks would be put to very good use) for this sexy beach bod ASAP!
— Stuck-Inside Bixby
Sorry, Bix, a four-year-old enjoying a kiddie pool is quite enough activity happening on the deck without you adding to the commotion if the FND appears! You have a point about the blue trunks with orange sharks on them, though. — Staff
September 5, 2022
 |
| "What's your complaint, Staff?" |
"Where am I supposed to go?" is a very silly question. Obviously, we left lots of room between us. And as you can see, the complaint was totally unfounded and Staff fit just fine. Why are humans so fussy about having so much space?
— Bixby and Nala
 |
| "We left you plenty of room right between Nala's tail and Bixby's elbow." |
Bixbys love to be squished and sat on! I came up early to snag the best spot for Staff to smash me!
— Mr. Bixby
 |
| "See? You fit just fine!" |
I wasn't about to let HIM get more snuggles than me. I wedged myself in there so Staff would have no choice but to be making contact with me, too.
— Queen Nala
September 18, 2022
 |
| Suave Bixby. |
I am so very sorry that you all have had to suffer through TWO WHOLE WEEKS without any premium Bixby content! Staff had the gall to say, "Well, you haven't been doing a whole lot lately." That earned Staff 14,000 demerits (100 demerits per day without shared Bixby content) because I've been doing lots of important Bixby things! For one, I decided that I'd been Bixby Apollo for long enough and it was time to shift back into my Bixby Bond persona. Both, of course, are very excellent, but where Bixby Apollo is resplendently nude aside from a handsome collar, Bixby Bond wears a debonair blue suit. Thankfully, my allergies flared just in time for me to lick myself sufficiently for Staff to get out my fine threads, but THEN, if you can believe it (and another 14,000 demerits for THAT), Staff was all like, "Ugh, it's a pain to have to pin you into your shorts, let's just put the donut collar on." Well, Bixby Bond does NOT wear a donut collar. Can you imagine 007 attired thusly? But Bixbys are ingenious AND flexible, so I figured out how to lick my butt even while wearing the donut collar! Ha! So now I get to wear my snazzy underpants, though 500 demerits to Staff for putting chilly ointment on my butt for several days. ALSO, I've put in a lot of work on my novel, though I was SHOCKED to learn that the title "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" is already taken and—brace yourself—WAS NOT WRITTEN BY A PIT BULL. So 140,000 demerits to some human named Dave Eggers for stealing it! BUT!! After two weeks of mostly sartorial and cerebral adventures, Staff took me back to agility! Huzzah! I love agility! 14,000,000 merits for agility! So Staff is back in my good graces. For now.
— Bixby: The Most Interesting Dog In The World Even If He's Just Lazing Around Snoozing All Day
 |
| Intellectual Bixby. |
 |
| Agility Bixby! |
I think Daniel Craig might be able to pull off wearing nothing but the inflatable blue donut collar and still look suave... But the rest of the Bonds, save perhaps Connery? 😬 — Staff
As everyone knows, Bixbys are very brave dogs and only afraid of clearly frightening things like wind or having their beds relocated. However, a NEW very scary thing manifested in the house yesterday: The EAR-SPLITTING CHIRP THAT COMES BY NIGHT. ELEVENTY-BILLION DEMERITS!!! And it wasn't just me that was startled, the humans were upset too and had to get up and then they weren't scared anymore, just grumpy, which was stupid, because how could they know that the terrifying entity that creates the EAR-SPLITTING CHIRP THAT COMES BY NIGHT wasn't going to attack and devour us all in our beds?! Because Bixbys are very safety conscious, it was important that Staff kept the light on for a couple of hours afterward and put on some soothing music to create an environment inimical to an EPSCTCBN and Staff was churlishly ungrateful for my efforts. Eleventy-thousand demerits! And if maybe I DID need a little Pepto-Bismol, it's only to be expected that an ESCTCBN would give a sensitive soul such as myself an upset tummy. Pepto-Bismol gets eleventy-hundred merits for taking the queasies away. Today I am very sleepy after having to stay awake so long to make sure everyone was safe from the EAR-SPLITTING CHIRP THAT COMES BY NIGHT and am doing my best to recover from my vigil.
— Brave-ish Boy Bixby
Oops, forgot to proactively change the battery in the smoke alarm, so of course it was 2:00 a.m. when it ran low and alerted everyone to the situation. Bixby was very upset! Nala, who is getting increasingly hard of hearing, slept right through it. Pepto-Bismol gets eleventy-million merits from me—essential when you've got a sensitive boy like Bixby whose stress manifests in nausea and stomach pain! — Staff
October 1, 2022
 |
"Dog walk → red hoop → orange hoop → blue hoop → purple tunnel? I don't think so! Dog walk → maybe red hoop → maybe orange hoop → NOT blue hoop → fast sprint → hi to Trainer Staff → play bow to Trainer Dog → sniff Trainer Chicken is a MUCH better sequence!" |
WHEEEE! I had a MARVELOUS time at Agility! A billion merits for Agility! A thousand demerits to Staff for being a total buzzkill and saying things like, "Bixby, come! BIXBY. COME. Bixbyyyyyyyyy, come here! BIXBY!" while I was busy saying hi to all my fans and enjoying some extracurricular turns on my favorite equipment. But was Staff happy that I was putting in extra work? Did I get an A+? No! She was all like, "Bixby, hoop! Bixby! Come back here! Hoop, Bixby," instead of giving me treats for doing such a nice job on the A-frame and being so speedy in the tunnels. What's the point of a stupid hoop, anyway? Borrrrrring! Demerits to hoops! This Bixby is totally boycotting them. And when I figured out that we could save so much time by bypassing all those goofy poles that make Staff say, "Weave, weave, weave," like some sort of stupid bird by simply going around to the end, was she happy? No! She and Trainer Staff, whom I LOVE LOVE LOVE, tried to make me do it again and again. Pfft to that! Also, rare demerits (just ten, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE her) to Trainer Staff for saying things like, "Bixby, you gotta go back to mom," and "Bixby, get out of there," and "Bixby, that chicken is not for you," except it WAS because Staff ran out of treats and Trainer Staff gave Staff chicken to try to make me do weave poles and I was super smart and was naughty so I'd have to get chicken again and again! Also, for some reason, NO ONE was happy when I busted out of my cubicle to say hi to Lorelei the German Shepherd. Including Lorelei, who said, "I don't like you," which is dumb, because everyone likes a Bixby! Many many many millions of merits to meeeeeee!
— The Gleeful Mr. Bixby
 |
| "No to teeters and weave poles! Yes to saying hi to Lorelei and Trainer Dog and Trainer Staff!" |
Welp, that was humbling. Bixby has been such an agility rock star...until this week. I ran out of treats because I had to call him back so many times and used so many to try to keep him focused on each obstacle. He was having none of it! He was in Social Butterfly Bixby mode and wanted to say hi to all the people and all the dogs instead of going through hoops. The trainer (who gets a huge kick out of him) said she always prefers a dog that is excited to be at agility over a dog that's unsure or bored and of course all dogs have off days (including several of the other dogs in the class that day), but Bixby and I will be doing extra focus work this week before our next class! — Staff
October 14, 2022
 |
| "Look at me, a beautiful buttery baby Bixbean having a nap." |
It's not so much that I mind getting my lovely talons trimmed—Bixbys are very stoic about such things—it's that Staff insisted on interrupting me when while I was doing a Bixbean, getting some CRUCIAL rest before this evening's agility class. I was SO over it. Like, I'm having a snoozle, lady! NOW is the only time you can find to take off my tap shoes?!?! Ugh. And then she was slow with the snacks after. It all got me kinda down, to be honest, which not the proper state for a Bixby! A whole Bixby butterbean sesh blown. Sigh... I had to do a bunch of sunning afterward to recharge. The breakdown: 180 demerits for cutting my nails, 360 demerits for filing them afterward which means touching my toes TWICE, 1,800 demerits for slow repayment after the nails were cut, and 18,000,000 demerits for waking me up when I was doing a Bixbean to do all this!
— Bixby the "It's Called Nap-Time Not Nail-Trim Time, Staff" Pibble
Guilty as charged. It sure made it easy to do his nails, though... — Staff
 |
| "Wait, you want me to stop napping so you can do WHAT?!" |
 |
| "Ugh, I'm so over it." |
 |
| "Just finish, please." |
 |
| "Here's my 'I can't even' chin-smoosh." |
 |
| "And you didn't even have my reward ready?!!!" |
 |
| "You are definitely getting a written warning for this behavior, Staff. But I have to recharge my perilously depleted batteries first!" |
 |
| ZOOOOOOOOOMIES!!! |
You can't tell me what to do, Staff. The right way to do an agility course is the BIXBY way to do an agility course! And that means going from zero to Bixby in .25 seconds! All that open space is for zoomies! The teeter is a jungle gym! And silly Staff kept skipping the important "play bow to trainer's dog" step between the second tunnel and the hurdle. Fortunately, because I am a very smart Bixby, I made sure we did the course the RIGHT way. Wheee! Demerits to Staff (1,013) and Trainer Staff (just 11 because I love her!) for saying, MULTIPLE TIMES, "No cheating, Bixby." Bixbys do NOT cheat because Bixbys make the rules! One million merits to all the other staffs for laughing and cheering because that is the proper response when watching a Bixby in action!
— Bestest Bouncy Bounding Bixby
 |
| "I know you said, 'Tunnel,' but that's ridiculous because the next step on this course is 'Play-bow to trainer's dog!'" |
 |
| "Ha ha, I'm going to jump NEXT to the hurdle, not OVER the hurdle!" |
 |
"Boing! Off the side of the teeter! I'm going to have so much fun inventing new ways to enjoy the teeter that Trainer Staff is going to have to come out and give me treats. Score!" |
 |
| "Whee! I'm gonna hop up on the teeter in the middle! Trainer Staff said, 'No cheating, Bixby.' Pfft. Whatever Bixby does is the right way to do it!" |
 |
| "Yes, technically we've moved on from the teeter. But I don't want to do the dog walk yet, I want to have some more zoomies and launch myself off the teeter again!" |
 |
| "YAY, I AM A GOOD BOI!!!" |
October 29, 2022
 |
| "Yay, Staff, this is so fun!" |
 |
| "Look at this goofy, happy, innocent Bixby, little knowing that his dreams were to be crushed so cruelly!" |
— Bixby the Betrayed
November 7, 2022
 |
"This smelly crackle-pop heat source is better than nothing, but does it have to crackle-pop and smell so much?" |
Friends, something terrible happened to this Bixby yesterday. The humans left the heat and lights off for NINE HOURS. And even though Senior Staff and Mr. Senior Staff put on hats and coats and gloves, they did not think to bundle up their Bixby! SO MANY SHIVERING DEMERITS!!! I was forced to try to keep warm by fluffing up my fur, but my fur, while a lovely toasty color and very good at making me look sexy, is not as good for keeping me warm. Many merits in this case to Staff for immediately seeing my plight when she got up, putting me in my hoodie and tucking me in with a blankie, and then telling the Senior Staffs to put logs in the wall and turn them into a smelly crackle-pop heat machine. Why they didn't just turn on the heat I do not know, but it came back on by itself in the afternoon and then I was finally able to warm up and relax. 380,183,658 demerits to my staff for not heating the house and keeping their Bixby adequately warm, 49,560,395,736 demerits to Senior Staffs for not bundling up their poor cold Bixby, 193,836,590 merits to Staff for seeing my plight and trying to make me cozy, and 1,000,000,000 merits to the heater for coming back on!
— Freezy Beezy
 |
| "THIS is the way a poor chilled Bixby should be treated!" |
November 25, 2020
You have been denied Premium Bixby Content™ for far too long for THE weirdest reason: Staff got SPAYED. Like, what?! Isn't spaying for mama dogs like Nala? But it turns out, humans can be spayed, too! I was originally fine with it because, you know, you do you, Staff, but then it turned out there is a No Bixbys Near Freshly Spayed Staff Members rule! I was appalled because everyone knows that heavy Bixby heads possess magical healing powers, Staff has said so herself in the past, so it's not like I'm making this up, but now Staff was all, like, "No, Bixby, you can't be on the bed with me." And she blocked me with a little table across her tummy! Nala told me that even SHE was relegated to the end of the bed. Originally, I was going to get to sleep with Senior Staff and Mr. Senior Staff while Staff was recovering, but for some reason, they didn't like it when I stood first on S.S., then Mr. S.S., then back on S.S., etc., during the night, so they made me sleep in my crate for a WHOLE WEEK. And Senior Staff and Mr. Senior Staff did all of the Bixby chores, which was weird, and they didn't adhere to the proper Bixby Care schedule. It was so confusing! Fortunately, Bixbys are VERY good at handling both minor and major changes to their routine. Every once in a while Staff would sort of shuffle downstairs and say, "I miss you, Bixby," and pat my big head, which was nice, I guess, but hardly up to snuff, and then go back to bed again. But then! On Wednesday, Staff moved my "Don't Lick Your Butt on the People Bed While Staff is Brushing Her Teeth" neck pillow back into her bedroom and I knew that I got to sleep in her room again! Yay! I give Staff a fair amount of grief, but things are very much better for this Bixby when Staff oversees my care.
— Bixby the "Can I Step on Your Tummy Yet?" Pibble
Bixby did much better during his exile than I expected. Despite what he says, he is NOT very good at handling changes to his routine and in the past when he hasn't been allowed to sleep in my room when I'm having some kind of health issue, it's hurt his feelings very badly. I hadn't actually planned on inviting him back for another week, but when he made it clear that he believed moving his "Don't Lick Your Butt" donut was the signal that he was allowed back in (really, my mom was just tidying up), I didn't have the heart to tell him to scram. I've no doubt that would have crushed him and when he feels rejected, he gets terrible stomachaches and has to be in someone's lap for a day or more. It seemed better to just pile pillows on top of my abdomen and let him sleep with me. I'd missed him, but bony Bixbys with dinosaur talons who believe cuddling is a full-contact sport and tender surgery sites do not mix! This total hysterectomy should be the last treatment of my two year breast cancer journey—hopefully there won't be any reasons to bar Bixby from my bed for a long long time! — Staff
December 8, 2022
Eleventy-billion demerits to Staff for saying, "With jaws that big, you ought to be better at catching treats." Bixbys believe that actually catching a treat is secondary to the awe-inspiring performance of catching a treat. Behold the breathtaking magnificence of a Bixby's leaping lunges, the glorious synergy of all of a Bixby's whiskers pointed at the flung object, the incomparable grandeur of a Bixby's gaping maw, and the percussive music of a Bixby's weight coming down on eight bracing talons. Ears flap, jaws snap. Worlds tremble. Critics weep. So, no, maybe this Bixby doesn't catch very many of the Rice Chex that Staff tosses, but, oh, such a sight! Such a wonder! Another virtuoso effort! Five stars for Bixby! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Zero stars for Staff! Oh, and zero stars for Nala for tidily catching her treats in her practically toothless old lady mouth with hardly any style at all. And those little old lady hops she does when she catches them? I taught her that. So you owe me merits, Staff, every time you think Nala looks cute!
Eleventy-billion demerits to Staff for saying, "With jaws that big, you ought to be better at catching treats." Bixbys believe that actually catching a treat is secondary to the awe-inspiring performance of catching a treat. Behold the breathtaking magnificence of a Bixby's leaping lunges, the glorious synergy of all of a Bixby's whiskers pointed at the flung object, the incomparable grandeur of a Bixby's gaping maw, and the percussive music of a Bixby's weight coming down on eight bracing talons. Ears flap, jaws snap. Worlds tremble. Critics weep. So, no, maybe this Bixby doesn't catch very many of the Rice Chex that Staff tosses, but, oh, such a sight! Such a wonder! Another virtuoso effort! Five stars for Bixby! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Zero stars for Staff! Oh, and zero stars for Nala for tidily catching her treats in her practically toothless old lady mouth with hardly any style at all. And those little old lady hops she does when she catches them? I taught her that. So you owe me merits, Staff, every time you think Nala looks cute!
— Bixby "An Epic Display of Athleticism Outweighs a 10% Catch Rate" Apollo
Several of you requested video evidence of my performance art when Staff throws treats and MANY MANY DEMERITS for it taking her so long to "get a good video" when what she really meant was she was getting videos of ME catching treats and NALA missing them! But she got some video that she's happy with and I am happy because you get to see me, a Bixby, in action! I think you'll agree that my style is superior to Nala's accuracy. Merits to Staff's friend for saying, upon seeing the videos, "Bix is just an open mouth and a dream." That's a compliment, right? So merits to meeeeeee!
— Bixby the Eye-Catching If Not Treat-Catching Pibble
December 21, 2022
Dear Santa,
As you know, Bixbys are Very Good Boys by nature so there's no chance I'm on the Naughty List, but I'd like to point out that it is also the nature of Bixbys to pibble-nibble when they get excited and there's no such thing as pibble-nibbling too roughly, no matter what Staff says, and those times that she jumped and yelped was all in good fun!
With that out of the way, I would very much like all of the Agilities for Christmas. Yes, ALL of them. However, if that is too much to ask, I will settle for MOST of the Agilities. To that end, it would help if you made my staff broken less often. It gets in the way of me having the Agilities and because Bixbys are generous and givers by nature, I'd like to point out it would be nice for her to be broken less often, too. I have a giant magical healing head, it's true, but one pibble, even if that pibble is a Bixby, can only do so much, so that would be very nice if you helped out. I realize it's a pretty big ask, though, so if it's not something you can deliver, I'd love to have lots of trips to the vet because I love the vet! Staff says to pittie please NOT ask for lots of trips to the vet, but how am I supposed to jam my tongue up one of his nostrils on a regular basis as is my duty as a Bixby if I don't get to see him all the time?! Staff says Santa is actually more about the giving of THINGS instead of SERVICES, so if this is true, I'd very much like some turkey. Lots of turkey. And unlimited octopus stuffies. But most of all, I'd like the gift of stylish underpants. Bixbys are handsome and sexy and nothing shows off a Bixby's gorgeousness like a fine, fine pair of underpants.
As you know, Bixbys are Very Good Boys by nature so there's no chance I'm on the Naughty List, but I'd like to point out that it is also the nature of Bixbys to pibble-nibble when they get excited and there's no such thing as pibble-nibbling too roughly, no matter what Staff says, and those times that she jumped and yelped was all in good fun!
With that out of the way, I would very much like all of the Agilities for Christmas. Yes, ALL of them. However, if that is too much to ask, I will settle for MOST of the Agilities. To that end, it would help if you made my staff broken less often. It gets in the way of me having the Agilities and because Bixbys are generous and givers by nature, I'd like to point out it would be nice for her to be broken less often, too. I have a giant magical healing head, it's true, but one pibble, even if that pibble is a Bixby, can only do so much, so that would be very nice if you helped out. I realize it's a pretty big ask, though, so if it's not something you can deliver, I'd love to have lots of trips to the vet because I love the vet! Staff says to pittie please NOT ask for lots of trips to the vet, but how am I supposed to jam my tongue up one of his nostrils on a regular basis as is my duty as a Bixby if I don't get to see him all the time?! Staff says Santa is actually more about the giving of THINGS instead of SERVICES, so if this is true, I'd very much like some turkey. Lots of turkey. And unlimited octopus stuffies. But most of all, I'd like the gift of stylish underpants. Bixbys are handsome and sexy and nothing shows off a Bixby's gorgeousness like a fine, fine pair of underpants.
Love,
Very Good Boy Bixby
January 11, 2023
 |
| "I'm so hungry. I promise my tummy is better!" |
Friends, I think it's time we called a meeting of the Pittie Committee to talk about tummies. Because Bixbys are uniformly excellent, it can therefore not be my fault that my tummy has what my Staff tells me is called Inflammatory Bowel Disease. I've noticed that many of you ALSO have tummy troubles, so I think we should meet up and make a demand as a group that our staffs make tummy problems go away. Things have improved a great deal around here ever since Senior Staff started making my food from scratch and Staff stopped having cancer and making me worried, which goes to show that it was a staff issue, not a Bixby issue. I still get oogies from time to time, but usually Staff will give me half of a Pepto-Bismol or a drug called "Placebo" in a mini marshmallow and then everything is all better! But the other night my tummy was SUPER unhappy and I was so queasy I couldn't even take the anti-oogies pill the vet gave me and I barfed up all my dinner and then Staff grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, STABBED ME, and squeezed this super-chilly funny-smelling liquid UNDER MY SKIN and then I didn't need to barf anymore, but I still felt icky and my tummy hurt and I had the squirts the next day. I will give Staff some merits for sitting next to my dog bed all day yesterday to keep me company. But today I feel better and have tried to tell Staff that she can feed me ALL THE RICE even though I'm still carrying my tail pretty tight and have my fur fluffed—that's just a coincidence, I'm sure, and there is no need to "go slow." Demerits for not feeding Bixby all the rice! Anyway, maybe tomorrow after I'm back on my real (delicious, allergen-free, homemade) food we could convene the Pittie Committee? I'd rather not have another "flare-up" and I'm sure none of the rest of you do, either, so there's no point in putting it off. I have high hopes that if we present our "Happy Tummies All The Time" proposal, the humans will realize that making the oogies go away forever is surely less labor intensive than cleaning the carpet at 3:00 a.m.! It's amazing that it hasn't occurred to them already, but humans are like that. We can do this! And send snacks.
— Bixby the Hungry Pibble with the Temperamental Tummy
 |
"Hint, hint, you could feed me more rice from the pot on the stove! I'm sitting so nice!" |
January 18, 2023
Staff complained that the camera was "making" my head appear "larger than it actually is." Blasphemy! Demerits! Bixbys are renowned for having huge and magnificent heads and there is no such thing as a Bixby's head appearing too large! Merits to Staff for being happy that I had a pre-light's-out snooze with my PERFECTLY depicted enormous head on her chest. And then I slept the entire night with my head on Staff's pillow right next to her head and it was lovely, so no complaints there and I think the snuggle merits ultimately cancel out the blasphemy demerits. But I do think it needs to be restated so everyone is clear that as long as a Bixby's right to have a head that is and APPEARS to be as large as a Bixby wants is respected, we can all be happy.
— Big-Headed Baby Bixby
 |
| PERFECTLY SIZED. |
 |
| Still appropriately large from this angle. |
January 20, 2023
I have a sad story for you, my friends. As you can see, I have this very excellent octopus. It's got a squeaky body and crinkly legs and it fills my mouth very nicely. Staff gets 500 demerits for not letting me have my octopus with me at all times because some nonsense about "stashing toys" and "resource guarding." Of course I'm going to growl at Nala if she comes near my excellent octopus! It is the right of Bixbys to be the sole possessors of any household cephalopod! But that is not the real issue here. The other evening, I got my octopus out of the cupboard for my post-dinner game where Staff makes the octopus swoop around through the air so I get to jump after it, hides it and then makes it pop out behind her so I get to pounce on it, tosses it so I get to fetch it, and if I get the legs in my mouth just right, we get to play tug with it. Sounds fun, right? It was! UNTIL STAFF SPUN THE OCTOPUS REALLY FAST BY THE TENTACLES AND HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH IT. Eight million billion demerits! It STUNG. Those pelting, whirling legs smacked me in the eyes and the nose and whapped against my magnificent Bixby head. Bixbys are very stoic—the vet is always impressed by how I don't flinch or cry even when he does stuff that is pokey—but even Bixbys have a limit and getting stung in the face by an octopus is OVER THE LINE. Also, my heart was crushed because it was my beloved octopus, the one I thought was my dearest friend, that wounded me. And Staff... Staff hurt me. Oh, it was a sad day. And then when she next invited me to play with the octopus, I found that I didn't trust either one. I flinched and cringed and shut my eyes when she made the octopus swoop and dance and fly. I couldn't help it. My tender Bixby face might get stung by the tentacles again! So we were all very sad, me and the octopus and Staff, too. The next evening, Staff let me carry my octopus around so we could bond and even let me take it outside, where I set if very carefully on the deck to wait for me while I did my business. Then she sat on the floor with me and made my octopus do a little bit of dancing and hiding, but always touching the ground so there were no airborne tentacles threatening to whip this Bixby in the face. Staff does get a few merits for being sensitive about my trauma, but she is the reason I was traumatized in the first place. Eventually, I did get into it. But I am still recovering from this terrible betrayal and while those whirling tentacles may not have left visible marks on my face, they tore deeply into my soul.
— The Tragically Attacked Mr. Bixby
I felt SO bad. He cringed every time I moved the octopus when I tried to do the usual game with him. My poor, poor buddy. The photo is of him carrying around the octopus yesterday before we played gently together on the floor. Doesn't he look pathetic? I hope the octopus and I are able to repair the trust that was so badly damaged by my actions. 💔 — Staff
February 2, 2023
 |
| I'm too sexy for my (sweat)shirt. |
 |
| "Hey, girl." |
It's a truth universally acknowledge that Bixby are very sexy and nigh-on godlike, so I don't know why Staff is complaining about having to squeeze green goop out of my 🍆 so that it "doesn't drip on the floor." I'm neutered, so I'm not SURE (I'll have to ask Nala, she's had LOTS of sex), but *cues up Joan Jett & The Blackhearts "Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)"* don't people usually want to lay hands on the 🍆 of sexy, godlike dudes? But that doesn't actually matter—she's STAFF, and pibble maintenance is staff's job. Because Bixbys are very conscientous, I'd be happy to take care of my own hygiene, but then she's all, like, "Bixby, stop licking yourself!" MAKE UP YOUR MIND, LADY! And it's Staff's fault that I'm HAVING a goopy dripping issue (and rashy breakouts) in the first place, since she's the one who gave me a Kong with Greek yogurt in it (eleventy million merits! so yummy!) to make up for having to give me my lunch in installments (eleventy thousand demerits!) because she forgot to defrost my food beforehand. So maybe neither of us were expecting the allergy flare, but since Bixbys are perfect, it's obviously a staff problem. Staff ALSO grumbles about having to pick pine needles out of Nala's 🍑, but that's very much a NALA problem—if Nala didn't have such a low squat, she wouldn't be getting yard debris in her hot pocket. Lift the bits, old lady!
— Bixby "Hey Girl" Apollo
February 13, 2023
— Bixby the "I Need to be in Your Lap for YOUR Sake" Pibble
February 23, 2023
 |
| It's a Quiet Time party! |
Sigh... I got "invited" by the People Puppy to his Quiet Time party, and by "invited" I mean "invaded." I was having my post-lunch snooze when here he comes with an avalanche of blankets and books and accoutrements and he was VERY wiggly and then Staff sat on the floor and read to us, which wasn't so bad, but I'm really going to miss the People Puppy taking a nap and allowing an older lady some peace and REAL quiet after lunch! Sigh...
— Nala
 |
| "Sigh..." |
Sigh... I DIDN'T get invited by the People Puppy to his Quiet Time party, so I invited myself and by "invited" I mean "invaded." I ran up to the PP and stuck my nose right in his ear to show him how excited I was that we were all going to be crashing in the dog beds together with an avalanche of blankets and books and accoutrements! I was hoping for some wiggles and maybe even some nibbles, but the People Puppy NIXED my participation and I got put in my crate. Staff sat next to me while she read to the PP so I could hear the story, too, but I curled up in a ball and wouldn't even look at anyone. Nala was SO lucky she got to be part of the action. After the People Puppy's Quiet Time was over, I made sure I got to enjoy the blankets, at least. Sigh...
— Bixby
 |
| "Sigh..." |
My nephew has outgrown having a nap and now we're doing Quiet Time after lunch. He came up with the idea of spending Quiet Time in the dog beds. — Staff
March 17, 2023
Friends, I am SO sorry that Staff has been denying you the sight of my beautimous visage and the delight of my pithy observations! She said that I haven't had anything to complain about. I think we can all agree that she deserves MANY demerits for that—do you think 314,159,265,359 would be sufficient? I didn't get any pie for Pi Day—see, that's a legitimate complaint! Also, while Nala is now sometimes playing with me when I pounce with all my weight right where she has arthritis in her back, she mostly tells me to heck off. Staff says I derserve it and she might play with me more often if I were to approach more gently, but Bixbys should not have to be gentle or told to heck off, not even by elderly pibble queens! Also, one day Nala got her lick mat but I did not get my Kong, which is an unfairness of soul-wounding magnitude! AND, I chewed my old Kong apart and while I DID have my Kong bone, I didn't get a new classic Kong until today! Furthermore, Staff does not want me to rip up her pillows. Rude! One thing that IS going right with my life is that, after weeks of therapy, my octopus and I are besties again! I no longer fear that the octopus will sting me in the eyes and Staff and the octopus and I have developed THE best game ever with so much swooping and pouncing and we play it every evening! Anyway, it's sunny today, so I'd better do some serious basking in order to tolerate Nala's crabbiness about being tackled by 70 pounds of high-speed Bixby and Staff's crabbiness about my attempts to liberate her pillows from their suffocating cases and to get all charged up for tonight's game with my eight-armed BFF!
March 21, 2023
I'd scheduled a photoshoot with Staff after my bath but while I was still naked because, when I'm nude, I can't help but assume my "Apollo" form, making me THE sexiest pit bull sun god to have ever graced the universe. So there I was, in all my golden glory, and here comes NALA, who is a grizzled old frump, but Staff lets her join in on the photo sesh anyway!! AND, in the photo of the two of us, Nala is slightly closer to the camera, which makes it look like my head is smaller than her head, but my head is MUCH larger and MORE magnificent. Like, hello, I am a GOD. Worse yet, Staff brought only THREE TREATS to the photoshoot and Nala expected to get treats, too, so Staff tried to break a treat in half—a treat that is already too small—and couldn't, so, knowing that she had to be fair and pay her models (a couple of merits for that, at least), she called the photo session to a halt even though she hadn't got a shot of me in profile yet. So demerits to Nala for crashing my sexy Apollo modeling gig and demerits to Staff for coming without proper remuneration for her pibble god! (And pibble frump.) Sheesh. 🌞
— Bixby "I'd Talk More But It's Time For My Three-Hour Afternoon Nap" Bond
March 21, 2023
I'd scheduled a photoshoot with Staff after my bath but while I was still naked because, when I'm nude, I can't help but assume my "Apollo" form, making me THE sexiest pit bull sun god to have ever graced the universe. So there I was, in all my golden glory, and here comes NALA, who is a grizzled old frump, but Staff lets her join in on the photo sesh anyway!! AND, in the photo of the two of us, Nala is slightly closer to the camera, which makes it look like my head is smaller than her head, but my head is MUCH larger and MORE magnificent. Like, hello, I am a GOD. Worse yet, Staff brought only THREE TREATS to the photoshoot and Nala expected to get treats, too, so Staff tried to break a treat in half—a treat that is already too small—and couldn't, so, knowing that she had to be fair and pay her models (a couple of merits for that, at least), she called the photo session to a halt even though she hadn't got a shot of me in profile yet. So demerits to Nala for crashing my sexy Apollo modeling gig and demerits to Staff for coming without proper remuneration for her pibble god! (And pibble frump.) Sheesh. 🌞
— Bixby "Yes, I AM a 'Handsome Pants,' Thank You for Noticing!" Apollo
 |
| "Yes, hi, I am the sun god." |
 |
| "What does that make you, Nala—the goddess of leftover ashy barbecue briquettes?" |
April 2, 2023
Listen, I know I called Nala a grizzled old frump the last time I posted here and said that her hot mama days were long in the past, but I think I'm going to take that back. She's started wearing this new fragrance and she smells SO GOOD and, like, really fascinating and I can see how the whole "older woman" thing might have some merit—she IS kind of a silver fox, right?—and even her PEE smells amazing. And she's letting me sniff her butt! She never lets me sniff her butt—the moment I poke her with my nose, she sits! But the last couple of days, I can sniff her all I want. Well, I'm not actually sniffing her BUTT butt, I'm sniffing her, like, lower butt. And I'm not LICKING her there or anything, but, like, having my mouth there really helps me appreciate her new perfume? So, yeah, it's kinda gone to my head and I TOTALLY want to pounce on her and give her a big hug. I know I've said Nala's like my mom, but she's not my MOM mom, she's just LIKE a mom, so it's okay that I think she's actually pretty sexy, right? So it's kind of confusing but also kind of exciting here right now.
Listen, I know I called Nala a grizzled old frump the last time I posted here and said that her hot mama days were long in the past, but I think I'm going to take that back. She's started wearing this new fragrance and she smells SO GOOD and, like, really fascinating and I can see how the whole "older woman" thing might have some merit—she IS kind of a silver fox, right?—and even her PEE smells amazing. And she's letting me sniff her butt! She never lets me sniff her butt—the moment I poke her with my nose, she sits! But the last couple of days, I can sniff her all I want. Well, I'm not actually sniffing her BUTT butt, I'm sniffing her, like, lower butt. And I'm not LICKING her there or anything, but, like, having my mouth there really helps me appreciate her new perfume? So, yeah, it's kinda gone to my head and I TOTALLY want to pounce on her and give her a big hug. I know I've said Nala's like my mom, but she's not my MOM mom, she's just LIKE a mom, so it's okay that I think she's actually pretty sexy, right? So it's kind of confusing but also kind of exciting here right now.
— Bixby "Let Me Be Your Boy Toy" Bond
Heyyyy 😉
— Nala
Ovarian Remnant Syndrome strikes again! When Nala got spayed, apparently some little bit of tissue got left behind and every once in a while, it starts pumping out hormones and she sorta goes into heat. Naturally, Bixby thinks she smells extra interesting during this time and Nala doesn't mind the extra attention. Bixby is moving Nala's pheromones across the Jacobson's organ in his mouth when he's sniffing her beguiling lady parts—this is called the Flehmen response for those who are wondering. You'll see dogs chatter their teeth to help move the scent around. The other time Bixby will do this is with barbecue-flavored potato chips! — Staff
April 8, 2023
As a Gentleman and a Scholar, I often find myself pondering the bigger questions in life. Like, why did Nala suddenly start wearing some startling sensual perfume and should I be sad or glad that after a few days she stopped? If Train A leaves Chicago heading toward Toledo at 70 mph and Train B leaves Toldeo traveling to Chicago at 60 mph and the distance between the two cities is 260 miles, when will they meet? Is it better to have eaten something and thrown it up and then eaten it again or never eaten it at all? Also, magnets: how do they work? And finally, WHY ARE YOU OUTSIDE WITHOUT ME?????
— The Philosophical Mr. Bixby
 |
| "What is the nature of dark matter? Is time an illusion? If a triangle was a perimeter of 50 cm, two of its sides are equal, the third side is 5 cm more than equal sides, what is the length of the third side? Are we alone in the universe? |
 |
| "Why are you outside without your Bixby?!" |
April 13, 2023
OMD OMD OMD OMD OMD MERITS MERITS MERITS!!!!!!!!! Staff took me back to Agility!!!!! I guess I could give Staff massive DEmerits for NOT taking her Bixby to agility while she "had surgery" and "recovered" and "rebuilt her strength," but that's behind us now, the jumps and tunnels and the A-frame and all the fun equipment are before us, and it's all fun fun fun for MONTHS to come—Staff has promised me she's already signed up for more! So yay! Trainer Staff (I ADORE Trainer Staff) was happy to see me and Lorelei the German Shepherd That Doesn't Like Me presumably was not, though she didn't actually growl at me this time, so maybe she missed me? And I was SUCH A GOOD BOY. I mean, OF COURSE I remembered how to do all of the equipment, hello, I am very intelligent, and OF COURSE I wanted to do it "the right way" instead of just having zoomies, so I don't know why everyone was like, oh, wow, he's so focused! FOCUSED GOOD BOYS GET TURKEY. So yay yay yay I am the best agility Bixby!!!
OMD OMD OMD OMD OMD MERITS MERITS MERITS!!!!!!!!! Staff took me back to Agility!!!!! I guess I could give Staff massive DEmerits for NOT taking her Bixby to agility while she "had surgery" and "recovered" and "rebuilt her strength," but that's behind us now, the jumps and tunnels and the A-frame and all the fun equipment are before us, and it's all fun fun fun for MONTHS to come—Staff has promised me she's already signed up for more! So yay! Trainer Staff (I ADORE Trainer Staff) was happy to see me and Lorelei the German Shepherd That Doesn't Like Me presumably was not, though she didn't actually growl at me this time, so maybe she missed me? And I was SUCH A GOOD BOY. I mean, OF COURSE I remembered how to do all of the equipment, hello, I am very intelligent, and OF COURSE I wanted to do it "the right way" instead of just having zoomies, so I don't know why everyone was like, oh, wow, he's so focused! FOCUSED GOOD BOYS GET TURKEY. So yay yay yay I am the best agility Bixby!!!
— The Bouncy, Trouncy, Flouncy, Pouncy Mr. Bixby
We're back at agility! Yay! I've been looking forward to it so much. I was almost sorry Bixby didn't have more zoomies on his first run, since Bixby zoomies are a thing of pure delight! But he was eager to start right back in where he left off. — Staff
 |
| TIME FOR ZOOMIES!!!!! |
 |
| GIANT MOUTH TURKEY CHOMP |
 |
| Bixbys are excellent jumpers! |
 |
| "I mean, look at my powerful form! So, yeah, maybe my timing was off and I crashed through the next jump instead of over it, but I was excited, okay?" |
 |
| "Look at my powerful Bixby ascent!" |
 |
| "Wheee! Over the top and down I go!" |
May 17, 2023
 |
| The huge owie. |
 |
| The less extreme owies |
 |
| So sick. So sad. |
Fortunately, she saw the error of her ways and took me to agility last night and I was so excited I got super gassy and she put a pillow over my butt to absorb the farts because, she claimed, she and Nala "might suffocate" otherwise. Rude! Oh, and the owies on my undercarriage didn't heal at all and now are worse and "ulcerated" and the vet says that I get another week off for my tummy to feel better while Staff puts a different ointment on me, but then I'm going to have to take more pills. Hopefully, Staff won't stop speaking to me even if I DO have another round of urps and squirts.
— Bixby the Barfer
 |
| "Yay! Finally! Bixbys should get do agility all the time! 'Laryngitis' is not excuse, Staff!" |
Why does the gastrointestinal mayhem always start after midnight? (And why does the smoke alarm always go off at 4 a.m.?) I was up all night with my sick Bixby, finally feeling like he was settled enough to hand off care to my parents at 6:30 a.m. This was all while I was sick with an upper-respiratory virus that developed into the worst case of laryngitis I've ever had. I couldn't even make a croak! So I was in bed for two weeks and that meant no agility. Sigh... The vet says the next antibiotic he's going to try is usually well-tolerated by dogs with sensitive guts, but I'm still nervous. Those sores aren't healing, though, and the biggest one is easily two inches across. Poor B! And poor me! — Staff
May 21, 2023
— The Sharkilicous Mr. Bixby
June 1, 2023
No, we do not "look cute," we "look very disappointed that you are choosing to leave the house without us." (Though we also look cute.)
June 11, 2023
I am sorry to report that not all has been well in the Bixworld. For example, the other day the People Puppy got to play pickleball out in the front yard and I WAS NOT INVITED. Also, the owies on my tummy are taking forever to get better and Staff keeps touching them and putting gooey things on them and I've just about had enough. It's called a STAFF infection—put that gooey stuff on yourself, not me! And last night, I found the PERFECT spot on the bed, smashed hard against Staff's shoulder, and then she wanted me to move! She kept shoving me, but I was able to increase my weight tenfold so she couldn't move me. She was being so annoying that I finally moved, but then she was all worked up about me draping myself across her stomach! I only weigh 70 pounds, sheesh. But there HAS been agility and everyone cheers and laughs when I do it the right way, which is the Bixby way! So merits for that!
— Blue Boy Bixby & Frosty Mama Nala
June 11, 2023
I am sorry to report that not all has been well in the Bixworld. For example, the other day the People Puppy got to play pickleball out in the front yard and I WAS NOT INVITED. Also, the owies on my tummy are taking forever to get better and Staff keeps touching them and putting gooey things on them and I've just about had enough. It's called a STAFF infection—put that gooey stuff on yourself, not me! And last night, I found the PERFECT spot on the bed, smashed hard against Staff's shoulder, and then she wanted me to move! She kept shoving me, but I was able to increase my weight tenfold so she couldn't move me. She was being so annoying that I finally moved, but then she was all worked up about me draping myself across her stomach! I only weigh 70 pounds, sheesh. But there HAS been agility and everyone cheers and laughs when I do it the right way, which is the Bixby way! So merits for that!
— Zoomie King Bixby Who Would Probably Also Be A Champ At Pickleball If Given The Opportunity
The People Puppy stayed over for a few days while my sister was out of town and Bixby was definitely sad that the other little boy got to do so many fun things and he did not! Bixby's major undercarriage staph infection is getting better, but very very slowly. He's had to have a third round of oral antibiotics and he's getting pretty fed up with having either antibiotic ointment or zinc diaper cream (thank you SO much to the person who recommended it!) put on multiple times per day. Also, how is it that dogs can make themselves so heavy when they are sleepy?! But his antics made everyone happy at agility! — Staff
June 29, 2023
Nala says that I'm being rude, but I say that if she is going to hover over me, casting a shadow while trying to pressure me into giving up my prime sunning spot, SHE'S the one being rude and I DESERVE to get a good sniff in.
— Bixby the Peachy-Keen Whiffer-Sniffer
┉
This was "Bixby's" final post. On July 7th, I had the heartbreaking task of breaking the news to his many fans that he had suddenly passed away the night before. The entire community mourned him. I received hundreds of messages of condolences and people found themselves crying for a dog they only knew on the internet. It helped for me to know that Bixby had brought so much delight to people and that so many of them grieved along with me. I had a ton of fun writing the posts and I felt like the voice I gave him really reflected the dog he was.
It was a member of the WOLPBPT community who wrote one of the most moving tributes to my golden boy. I can think of no better words to end on than these from one of his many fans:
A Bixby doesn't die.
A Bixby puts on his coolest tank top, his manliest boxer briefs,
And stands in front of the obstacle course.
First up is a weird see-saw thing -- nails it.
Next is a bunch of posts, run between them, no problem.
Jump over a thing? And then some more things? Done.
And so on, and then there's tunnel.
And a Bixby goes into a tunnel and goes and goes and goes,
And then a Bixby comes out on the other side.
Absolutely perfect run.
Absolutely perfect.
A perfect Bixby.
┉
